Wear This To Look Old

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I have been forced to borrow reading glasses from friends twice in the last few days. Twice. Once to read the miniscule words on a restaurant menu, and another time to read the instruction manual on a piece of clothing. (Yes, some clothes require assembly, and like all instruction manuals, the writing is tiny).

Crazy, right, considering my 20/20 vision.

There are other signs, of course, that things are, um, changing. A couple more strands of glitter in my hair. Bags under my eyes after too little sleep, which is pretty much all the time. And for a moment the other day, I thought I detected a jowl but I gave it “the look” and it went away. For now.

But nothing bothers me as much as krinkles.

Not familiar with them? They are the folds of wrinkly skin you get above your knees as you age and your skin loses its elasticity, i.e. knee wrinkles, or krinkles. Isn’t it oddly comforting to know they have a name? No? It wasn’t to me either. Gratefully, I don’t have a full blown case of krinkles yet, but they are a-coming. I see early signs. The firming body creams on my shelf are taking on a whole new importance, as they have been plucked out of obscurity and are now part of the regular rotation.

Ahh the indignities of aging.

But there’s one indignity none of us have to suffer. We’ve all heard the phrase: “Put on your big girl pants, and deal with it.” But I refuse. I may have to say yes to the reading glasses, and the frequent hair color appointments, and the firming body cream, but I refuse to say yes to the big girl pants.

I refuse to say yes to capris.

If you’ve been led to believe that capris are that magical hybrid of pant and short, keeping you cool in the summer while still providing some much-needed coverage, you have been misinformed. Capris are the beginning of the end. They are the gateway to all things old. Once you start wearing capris, comfort shoes and purses with numerous compartments are not far behind.

They may appear harmless, but they are lethal style killers. You heard it here first.

Don’t believe me? Try to find a pair of capris in the stores right now, like my tall, gorgeous friend recently did. You will not find them at your usual haunts. You will only find them at the stores that carry old things for old people. (And old isn’t directly related to an age, by the way. I know women who were born old. It’s more about sensibility and attitude). Or better yet, let me do the searching for you. Among the capri-length leggings (fine for working out!) and cropped denim (misnamed capris as most are longer and more like ankle pants), here’s what I found:

Style & Co cargo capris:

These come in every color. Because one pair of unflattering pants is never enough.

Neon Buddha “Eden” capris

Eden Pull-On Capri Pants, White

Apt. 9 “Torie” modern fit capri pants

Women's Apt. 9® Torie Modern Fit Capri Dress Pants

Why do I hate capris? Let me count the ways:

  1. They shorten your legs. They make  you look short and squat, unless you are long and lithe and supermodel-esque, in which case you can wear anything you want. (So why wear these?)
  2. They add pounds. Somehow, they manage to add extra weight to every woman who wears them. That is their superpower.
  3. They are frumpy. I know this is vague and may be slightly frustrating to hear, but capris instantly signal frumpiness. They are practical and functional and comfortable and all of the other adjectives that describe the dowdy clothes that we settle for when we no longer care what we wear. And while there is nothing wrong with practical and functional and comfortable (I pretty much insist on these in everything I wear), clothes should also be beautiful and flattering and stylish and make you feel fabulous.

So now that I’ve eliminated many of your summer outfit options, let me suggest a few substitutes:

1. The Culotte

Culottes are the cooler cousin to the capri. They’re swingier, sassier, and not at all frumpy, when worn properly. Plus, the extra volume means they are extra breezy, making them a great choice for summer. (Capris aren’t really much “cooler” then conventional pants, unless you tend to have overheated ankles). Because of their movement and volume, these are best for a Style Dial 3, and would also work for a Style Dial 1.

Image 1 of CULOTTES WITH BOW from Zara

Culottes with bow, $39.90, Zara

2. The Bermuda

I’m with the Holderness family on this one.  Bermuda shorts offer coverage and coolness, and work on pretty much any body type. Plus, they’re far more leg-lengthening then capris. The more leg that shows, the longer you appear, so wear them a couple of inches above the knee for maximum flattery, but if you want more coverage, go for a knee length pair. This straight leg version from AG would be flattering on a SD2.

Main Image - AG The Nikki Denim Bermuda Shorts (24 Year Relief)

AG The Nikki Denim Bermuda Shorts, $168, Nordstrom

3. The Skirt

Skirts are not just for dressing up anymore. They, along with their counterpart, the dress, are the coolest way I can think of to pull off summer style. Nothing beats a maxi for breeziness and coverage, or go for the universally flattering A-line or a full, floaty circle skirt (especially gorgeous on a Style Dial 2!).

Main Image - Free People True To You Maxi Skirt

Free People True To You Maxi Skirt, $76.80 (sale), Nordstrom

We all want to be cool, comfortable and chic this summer, so I hope you’ll agree to ditch the capri and try some more flattering options!

 

 

 

Comments

  1. says

    Hello BeautyMommy!

    Love this article! I just turned 44 in May and I need a wardrobe overhaul. I’m a fashion stylist and I can’t seem to get started on the cleaning and updating in my closet. Funny, eh? I know I have nice classic pieces in my closet. But I worry the style and the cut no longer suit me.

    Can we discuss? 🙂

    Kindest regards
    Jackie

  2. says

    The biggest cause of krinckles and loose skin is dehydration. Everyone need to be well hydrated. Try a few days on lots of water to hydrate. Add some good oils to your diet. Low fat diet is the biggest cause of loose or wrinkled skin. Put it back , some of it is good for you, like coconut oil or olive oil.

  3. says

    Hi Jackie! Thanks so much for the comment! Sometimes the hardest wardrobe to address is our own, even as stylists. I’d love to help! I’ll send you an email to discuss. 🙂 So happy to have you on here!

  4. says

    Thank you so much Jess! This made my day! If you have any other ideas from posts, let me know. Most of my best posts come from ideas from readers. 🙂

  5. says

    Great advice, Janet. Thanks so much for the tips! I know that I am dehydrated. Drinking water is a real challenge for me! I actually have a fitness week coming up on the blog where I will talk about all the creative things I am doing to drink more water. LOL. I needed that reminder about how dehydration affects your skin. 🙂 So glad to have you on BeautyMommy. 🙂

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